[Insight Observation] Why do you 'stay as a son-in-law' but have to 'be a daughter-in-law'?

The other day, I was having a meal with two anonymous industry friends, Du and Diku, when Du suddenly mentioned that the phrase 'be a daughter-in-law' (làm dâu) sounds more active than 'stay as a son-in-law' (ở rể). This sparked a conversation around the topic instead of just industry (drama), as I had experienced being a son-in-law for a few months after our baby was born, and my wife experienced being a daughter-in-law when visiting my hometown for Tet.

Temporarily setting aside the historical patriarchy, the three of us observed that all the tension in being a daughter-in-law or a son-in-law revolves around one issue: who is in charge of the house.

At this point, you can probably picture the domestic 'game of thrones.'

When you move into your in-laws' house as a son-in-law, the house already has its owners: the parents-in-law. The parents-in-law are always the CEO and COO running the household, and when another man appears in the house, they don't like you messing with an established system, or it will cause a lot of discomfort in the family, because even if you are the son-in-law, you still feel like a guest. For example, during my 2 months as a son-in-law, I wanted to arrange a few things my way but ended up annoying my in-laws, so I realized it's better to just help with small tasks and be attentive. A message to all the men living as sons-in-law: please don't try to take over.

Conversely, the daughter-in-law situation is more paradoxical. Unlike the wife's family, the husband's family often expects the daughter-in-law to become the Co-CEO of the house: suddenly, a stranger, a guest, must be rapidly 'promoted' to Chief Operating Officer. This is where all the drama between the incumbent CEO (the mother-in-law) and the trainee CEO (the daughter-in-law) explodes. The mother-in-law usually wants the daughter-in-law to follow family customs, but how many daughters-in-law today like to be micromanaged and have someone else's lifestyle imposed on them? The tension escalates even more when the two don't speak the same language; one person's words are interpreted by the other according to their own assumptions. They want you to be the Co-CEO but won't let you do it your way, so being a daughter-in-law is difficult; you have to both push back and concede.

Now we can somewhat understand the implications in the phrases "stay as a son-in-law" and "be a daughter-in-law."

This topic has also become an inspiration for advertising campaigns (and many similar TV series). I hope this spontaneous conversation will lead to more interesting insight mining, not just ads where the product appears when the mother- and daughter-in-law are stressed, followed by them happily smiling together in the frame.

By the way, I also encourage my students to spend more time on life outside the industry. Instead of obsessing over reading/watching case studies, just live your normal life, and you'll become more sensitive to insight. I used to be obsessed with reading and analyzing cases on WARC, only to realize, why analyze a case when the author has already summarized their thought process for me?